I was like you many years ago. To my knowledge he wasn't married or living
with another woman at the time, although you knew about me. In a sense you had a warning in that. I know he gained your sympathy by telling you
how awful I was, and that's okay with me.
I also know that you feel incredibly special and cared for right
now. I did too, as did the others before
me.
He asked me to marry him many times, and each time I refused. So maybe you're not so special, but you can
revel in that feeling for a bit. Enjoy
the honeymoon for as long as it lasts; it's going to change one day very
soon. You're going to see various
personality shifts coming your way in the near future, and like me you aren't
going to like them. He'll try to convince you that you're responsible for his
shortfalls and cruelty. Don't buy into
what he's telling you - it's him, not you.
You'll find yourself modifying who you are in an attempt to placate him
- sadly enough. I know because I did
this too.
The
subtle put downs will start within months.
Something won't feel quite right, but you won't be able to put your
finger on exactly what it is. I notice
you don't smile in your pictures; you never show your teeth. That tells me he already has something to
"joke" and tease you about.
Has he already started? Don't
worry, it will all be in good fun and he'll ask you (if you take offense),
"Can't you take a joke?" or tell you, "You have no sense of
humor!" You're also going to hear
things such as, "You're too sensitive." He may even say, “You’re too intense!”
I want you to know that it's not you.
I will tell you this over and over
again.
Remember my words.
Eventually a tickle of a memory of me is going
to come to you, but you're going to push away any thoughts of “me” for the time
being - I tried to warn you.
I hated
what you had done until I realized that this was my way out. No longer could he follow me and I hoped with
you in his life, he might stay away from me.
I could now have some peace. Did
he tell you he wanted to stay with me?
Did he tell you that he thought he could come back into my home and my
life? I doubt if he did. I also doubt that he told you he thought he
would come home and pick up where we had left off. My life with him was hell and I knew that
wasn't an option. I had no desire to
live in his misery while trying to deal with his demons.
I had trips planned so I left town twice. I wouldn't take him with me, and being in his
physical presence made me sick. I also didn't
want him moving out while I was gone. I
tried to play nice, as difficult as that was.
I didn't want him taking any of my things. He took some of my things anyway - much to my
dismay. I really wanted to slap the shit
out of him and you will too eventually.
You may even do it!
I doubt he told you that two weeks after he came home, he told me he
knew I would never forgive him for what he'd done. Of course I was out of town when he sent me
the text in mid July. Men such as him
are cowards and predicable. He slithered
out of my life without any of the sexual magnetism or curb appeal that he had
come in with.
I
actually said horrible things about you initially and called you all sorts of
names. I've resolved those feelings and
now hold only pity for you and your children.
I pray that he leaves them alone, but he won't. He may even use your older children as allies
while attacking you. It will be done
playfully and slyly, but it will still hurt.
I also want you to know that when he throws
the mean things I said about your physical appearance in your face, I'm
sorry. He will do this with
pleasure. I also attacked your character
due to the fact that you knew he was with me.
You deserved that one. I was hurt
and angry and I'm sure you can understand.
I have
read some of the things you've said, and you remind me of me to some
extent. You're independent, you stick up
for yourself, and you believe that he will too.
You're wrong of course. You will
be thrown under the bus at any and every opportunity. Soon you will see that like me, you're not so
tough. Your mind will be bent just as
mine was. I made the ultimate sacrifice
- my mind for a time, and so will you.
You wouldn't be happy to know that he sends me
messages. He misses my smile, which of
course is an insult to yours. He also
misses and loves us. Do you know he
tells others that he doesn't love you?
Do you know he says you are a convenience? Did you know that he was dating other women up
until he moved in with you? Do you know
what a tough time he had leaving me, even though I ignored him and refused to
call him? I changed my number. Do you know that he wanted to say good
bye? I didn't respond however, and you
know none of this. He didn't want to let
go. It's all about his ego. He never loved me, just as he will never love
you.
Do you still feel special? I'm sorry for the harsh words but it's always
about him, the narcissist or perhaps as suggested by others, he is a sociopath.
You have a good job, own a home, and I believe
you are probably a decent person. You're
the type of woman who cares about others, are full of compassion and you may
have truckloads of loyalty. I know this
because without these traits, he couldn't do what he's about to do to you. I also know that he will attempt to conquer
you completely. You may become a shell
of your former self. Stay strong!
Once again, know that when he starts on you or
you see these things, it's not you.
Remember my words when people he has access to
start treating you differently. This has
nothing to do with you, but he will be telling them terrible stories about
you. You may sense that something is off
but won't know what it is. If he is
working with women it's going to get particularly ugly. It's not personal, it's what he does,
although, it's still painful for you.
It won't be long before he starts gathering
his army in preparation for what's about to take place. I call it his fan club and it consists
primarily of women. It's his back up
just as you were. He can't destroy you
without them. And he will attempt to
destroy you and smear your reputation - with a smile on his face. He may already be leaving the crumbs in
preparation.
He will be jealous of any outside
relationships you may have. Oh, and your
ex-husband will be a burr in his britches.
He will complain of him often, leaving you feeling guilty that you have
a decent relationship with your ex; one that's healthy for your children. He will undermine this as well, or he will
attempt to win your ex over to his side.
I bet you didn't know there were going to be sides in this did you? This is an all-out war between good and
evil. I hope you have a good support
group.
Later in your relationship (if you can call it
that) you will think of me often. You
may be feeling a little crazy and want to reach out to me. You will wonder where your joy went just as I
did. The circles you are running in at
this point, will keep you dizzy. He
likes doing that.
About now you may also be wondering how you’re going to extract
yourself, or kick him out. If you put
his name on your house or sold it so the “two” of you had a house that was
"ours" and not yours, it's going to be difficult. He tried that with me and thank God I never
did it. I bet the two of you had a joint
bank account right away didn't you? Why
do you think he has a savings? You can't
seriously believe that he worked a day for that money, can you?
This is when it's going to get tough. You may be feeling like you made a huge
mistake and you did! You have no idea that he is most likely still sending me
messages, do you? He always told me that
I was the one. I had a target on my
heart and he took advantage of my goodness just as he is yours. No, I don't feel special and at this time,
neither do you.
I want you to know that you are going to try
and make it work many times over. You
may think about ending it, and for your emotional health that would be for the
best. You won't do it for a while
though. I'm so sorry for what you and
your children are going through now. I
understand it because I was where you are.
When the time is right you can reach out to me and I will talk to you.
I have my angel and she has been there for me
just as I will be here for you. He will
never know that you talked to me. I kept
my angel a secret for many years. She
knew when I tried to make it work again, and she also knew when I'd had
enough.
I’ve
also had other women message me that he had hurt with his lies and
manipulation. Did I forget to mention
the other women? Their secrets are safe
with me just as yours will be. If you
choose to go back and try again, our conversations will be our little
secret. Know that he will never change,
as sad as that is. Also know that it's
not you.
You’re asking yourself now how all
this came about.
It happened,
By Chance
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