Life after he/she is gone is a plethora of emotions. Relief was my first feeling when I walked
into my home, which had only recently been vacated by him. I felt exuberance as my second feeling. Anger would come to me later when I realized
he'd stolen some of my things.
I put him out of my mind, with the exception of the healing
process. I had been with my sociopath for seven long years. I didn't know at the time this would become
his label, sociopath. My own personal in
house Hitler had inflicted an immense amount of damage. I wasn’t an informed participant which made
it much more harrowing. He captured my mind
under the pretense of love.
My new life without him was truly a blessing. I thought, “This is going to be easy!” I believed he would leave me alone, as any
normal person would. He hadn’t in the
past, but I thought this breakup would be different. I attempted to cut off all
contact, and I still trusted that a minute part of him was a rational
person. I was wrong.
He insisted on contacting me and had a myriad of excuses for
doing so. They were his attempts at
manipulation. There were messages of
longing, loving, missing me and of course, flattery. I recognized his endeavors to suck me back
into his sick and twisted world. I
refused to fall for his games. I also
knew he never loved me and had used me as only someone like him can. He is incapable of love. Each time he sent a message, it set me back. I was traumatized all over again. This was deliberate. They know what they're doing! When I quit
responding, he contacted family members.
He started passing messages through them. He shared information he wanted them to pass along to me. They had no idea he was forming
his triangle which is what people such as him do. He was still manipulating everyone around him,
although they couldn't see it. His declarations
of innocence were propaganda and spoon fed to anyone who would listen.
On a personal note, I attempted to explain to family members
what he was doing. My pleas for
understanding went unheeded by only a couple.
After all, they had never lived with the sociopath and had only
witnessed what he chose to reveal to them.
Maybe they had no idea how painful it was for me while they remained in
contact with him. I expected unabashed
loyalty, because that’s how I am. That’s
one of my qualities that allowed him to take a stronghold in my life. If I care about you, I will die defending
you. The other quality is assuming
everyone is a reasonable person, he’s not.
While you're still participating in the triangulation, it’s
hurtful to the survivor. Exes stalk
through children and various other sources. It’s never okay, and if you allow him in, he
gets a win. That's the only time he has a real feeling, and it's his thrill! The messages you have just
relayed, have most likely already been addressed by me. How can he appear to be a victim, unless he
can vilify the survivor? If you weren't
contributing to his mind games, I could move forward and heal at a quicker pace.
I don't know if people understand that by acknowledging the
sociopath or abuser, they invalidate the feelings of those who are in his
shadow, and it's considered a betrayal. Each occurrence
is a physical blow which takes me back to a time when he was controlling my
life completely. So, if you find yourself cut out of my life or another person’s,
it’s because we have to save ourselves. Our minds have been their playground for some time. It’s not personal, it’s our attempt to hold onto the thinly strung fragments
of our sanity.
