We met on a dating site.
He had been winking at me for over a week and I chose to ignore
him. When I finally decided to look at
his profile, I saw a man who appeared to take care of himself and despite the
big toothy grin and bald head, I took a chance and winked back. After messaging through the dating site for a
few days we eventually exchanged phone numbers. The man came across as a near
saint and I thought to myself, “I am the lucky one.”
The flirting was a
blast and when he asked for my email address so he could send me a few
pictures, I complied. What arrived in my
inbox was quite a surprise – I opened up my email and was confronted with a
very naked body, front and center! I
choked on my coffee, spitting it across my computer screen. He should have given me some warning. I looked
behind me to see if anyone else had materialized in the room. I felt as though I were a naughty school girl
while looking at the various poses. I
laughed to myself at the thought of what was taking place
This would be the
first time I had received naked pictures from anyone – I was oddly flattered. I was also, however, somewhat stumped and
considered that maybe I shouldn’t meet him after all. But I continued to look – I was intrigued.
Seth looked great with his shirt off! His leg was
propped up so as to show nothing indecent and the majority of images displayed
his profile. He had obviously spent a
fair amount of time taking these pictures, I thought to myself. He was proud of his body that much was
obvious. I studied the pics (for
scientific purposes only!), and concluded that he was completely male! Then he requested a picture of me, I knew I
wasn't going his route and sent him an old picture of me.in a swimming suit,
laying on a rock.
On our first call we
talked for hours and he seemed to know exactly what to say. These marathon calls continued - I would lie
on my bed, cell phone in hand, my mind savoring his voice and contemplating our
first date. I watched as the soft
lighting in my room played off my ceiling, interrupted by the occasional set of
headlights, while I hung on his every word.
He told me how magnificent he was and talking with him, I began
believing it to be true. His logic
appeared incredible! It seemed that he
always did the right thing, or at the very least, attempted to. The potential with this man was both
mesmerizing and exciting.
Initially we talked
a lot about him. Where he was from, some
of his life experiences, his exercise routine and even about his mom who lived
with him because she was elderly and was disabled. I clung to his every word. I envisioned a woman who had lost her youth,
and due to some unforeseen circumstance, was hobbling around his house in
despair, cloaked only in an old robe.
We agreed to meet at
a local blues bar several days after we first spoke. On Monday evening I ran from closet to closet
with clothes flying in all directions, as I contemplated what to wear. My teenage daughter sat, laughing, as I
changed a few dozen times. I decided on
heels with jeans and a shirt with a jacket.
I hadn’t worn shoes this high in a long time and considered that walking
might be an issue after a few drinks. But,
I looked great so I quickly dismissed that idea, even though I knew that I
would need more than one drink to calm my nerves – they were over the top! I hadn’t been on a date in over fifteen
years. Newly separated by four months
and ready to move ahead, I had high expectations for the evening in front of
me.
As I pulled up to
the bar, my nerves were on edge; the anticipation of finally seeing Seth was
almost too much to handle. Outside the
winter air was frigid. Frost was hanging
off the bare trees in layers of thick, white icicles. I sat in my car thinking, “I hope he is good
looking and kind.” What more can a girl
hope for? I was giddy with expectation. The heated seat was keeping me warm and
cozy. I finally opened my car door and
the quick, strong blast of winter air brought me back to the present. My leather seat squeaked as I made my way out
of the car, I was in the here and now. I did a quick check in the side mirror,
adjusted my clothes, and prepared to meet the man I had become enamored with.
Pleasantly surprised by Seth’s charm and the
smile that seemed to be readily on his face, I let my guard down some. I still however, wasn’t certain about the
toothy grin. There was no doubt about
it, he was attractive, and I could tell by the look on his face that he was
attracted to me as well. He ushered me
into the dimly lit basement bar, the smile never wavering from his face. Seth had on Levis and a button down striped
shirt that he hadn’t tucked in. He
looked nice and I could see the well-defined thigh muscles in his tight pants.
We sat beside one another and ordered our
cocktails of choice – a martinis for each of us. Seth and I talked for hours,
this time with the clink of glasses and the soft sound of blues playing in the
background. People came and went without
either of us noticing. His charm and wit
knew no bounds. I was attracted to his beautiful hands. The trimmed clean nails and long smooth
fingers were perfect. I thought what an
odd thing to be drawn too. They weren’t
the hands of a physical laborer but rather the soft hands of a man who pushed
paper. If our bodies happened to touch
it was as if an electric charge went through me; I literally jumped with his
contact. There were times during the
evening that I was sure he was touching me deliberately. The night was magical
– it was as if the bar was ours, no one else even existed. Seth was the perfect gentleman the entire
evening.
My chocolate flavored
martini dulled my sensibilities. I found
him enticing, and almost irresistible, which was out of character for me. We talked about anything and everything. The words flowed smoothly all evening; it was
nonstop conversation. At one point we spoke about money, and Seth assured me that
he was financially secure - he owned a home in an outlying area.
“I have one hundred thousand dollars in the bank.” He told
me. “I worked for a company for almost
twenty years and I’m now semi-retired.”
He said with a soft laugh.
Seth was
bragging. He told me he also had money
in retirement accounts, as well as a whole life policy. It seemed he had all his ducks in a row. Excited at the prospect of a financially
secure man who appeared to be a decent person, I waited for more disclosures. I had met Gomer and Happy all rolled into
one.
I made my excuses and maneuvered to the
women’s restroom. Hobbling in my heels,
I could feel his eyes on me as I made my way towards the back of the bar. I turned around and met Seth’s eyes – there
was that smile. Later I would come to
detest that smile. He would sling harsh remarks at me with no conscience and
that smug grin was always there, gracing his cruel face
As the evening drew
to a close, I was reluctant to leave the reverie I had found with Seth. He was delightful and engaging. We made our way out of the basement bar shivering,
but neither of us wanting to break the spell of this magical evening.
Outside under the
flickering light of the street lamp while waiting for my car, he told me he had
sensitive nipples. He actually asked me
if I wanted to touch them He was
insisting. I declined the offer and
threw my head back in laughter. That was the one awkward moment of the night: the
disclosure of the sensitive nipples.
After only our second date, he requested that
I remove my profile from that singles site.
He insisted that we only see each other to figure out if we were
compatible. I complied and our romance blossomed.
One date led to the
next and I was having a blast. Seth
appeared charming, attentive and knew exactly what to say. He was a whirlwind
of excitement and fun. I was being fooled by one of the best. If we weren’t
together, we were on the phone. We were
sending texts and I heard from him throughout the day. Seth was very attentive and
flattering. He would tell me that
looking into my eyes would never be boring.
He said, “That’s a face I could grow old with and never get tired of
looking at.” “You’re beautiful!”
Soon after we started
seeing each other he would show up at my door daily and unannounced. I heard
the familiar knock on my vintage kitchen door, usually in the early afternoon
on most days. I watched him through the
panes kicking imaginary pebbles off the step or simply looking anywhere but into
my house. But I was always greeted me
with a big, welcoming smile once the door was opened. He would trudge into my bright red kitchen
and greet me with a breathtaking kiss. I
always cherished those kisses. They were
special to me. They were meaningful. I found myself wanting more.
Seth and I would sit
and talk for hours - sharing, confiding and affection were in abundance. I believed God had given me a gift. What was taking place was wonderful. Seth was very understanding and had kind words
that he shared with me often.
There were also red
flags that I didn’t notice. From the
start Seth was asking personal questions that I felt somewhat uncomfortable
answering. He tried insisting that I
share and answer his questions. He implied that I must have something to hide
if I didn’t disclose. He said that
everything should be out in the open and there should be no secrets. He also maintained there was no better way to
get to know each other than to tell all. I assumed I was too conservative and
started to open up to Seth a little at a time.
After we had been
seeing each other for a few weeks, Seth said he thought we should have no
communication for four days. He insisted
that we should see if we missed each other. I thought that was an odd request,
but since I wasn't emotionally vested in the relationship, I told him no
problem. I was a bit confused and a
little hurt however, that he had made the request. Keep in mind he had asked ME to remove myself
from the singles site! Did this mean I
could go back on? This was freakishly
weird and I knew it at the time. It just
didn’t feel right but I let it go.
I missed talking to
Seth and found myself checking my phone for messages that were never sent and
his calls that had never come. On the
evening of day three, as I lay in my claw foot bathtub with bubbles spilling over
the sides, my phone rang. My daughter
grabbed it and yelled out, “It’s him mom!”
Excited for me she answered the phone with a big hello. She has never been one to be a subtle young
lady and she promptly told Seth that I had been waiting for the call. I wouldn’t have put it in those words, but it
was out of my control. He had called on
day three and I was thrilled. Once again
we would continue our courtship as though that three-day hiatus had never happened.
When he described his
life with another woman, he would become captivating and animated. His charisma was immense. When we had the discussion of the exes he
told me all of his exes were crazy with the exception of one - the mother of
his child. I thought to myself, this guy
had terrible luck with women. I felt
sorry for him and extended my sympathy at his apparent, calamitous past
relationships. He shared stories of one
ex-wife and explained how she had gone after him with a knife. With furrowed brows he told me the story of
his divorce and appeared to be dumbfounded with the events that had taken
place. I was convinced he was a victim
of one horrible woman after another. He
would mention incidents often, calling the women in his life crazy, while
convincing me that they were.
Seth went on to tell me that the police were
called on several occasions, and at one point he found himself at a phone booth
in the middle of nowhere, in his underwear.
I was in shock at what he was sharing with me. He would shake his head in confusion while
telling me what had happened to him.
“How could she be that ruthless and violent?” I thought to myself. How
could anyone attack someone like that?
How could she keep him away from his things, his home and his property?
Seth would often sit
at my house almost the entire day, many times through late evening. There were days when I needed to get
something done, yet, I said nothing. I
didn't want to hurt his feelings and appreciated the time he was devoting to
me. He was monopolizing all my time and
energy, and I simply couldn’t see it. He
wanted to be the focus of my life, and he made sure he was. Seth explained that he didn't want me to feel
used. He made me feel incredibly
special. I rarely had time to myself but
I was enjoying the attention. I loved
having him with me. I felt secure and
cared for. From time to time Seth would
show up and cook me breakfast. He
confessed that he enjoyed cooking and especially enjoyed cooking for me. He also cleaned up after himself, which of
course, scored him bonus points.
He told me I was
special, beautiful, a good mom, the nicest person he had ever met and talented
in so many ways. It was wonderful to
hear those words of flattery, and they were working well. I thought I may have met the perfect man.
One Sunday afternoon
over Bloody Mary's he proclaimed his love for me. We had only been seeing each other for a
couple of months, so it came as a surprise.
A big surprise. “I am falling in
love with you.” Seth said simply.
I told Seth I was
flattered and that I too felt a bond. I told him I cared for him and found it
sweet that he was falling. I didn't
respond in kind to his proclamation of love, and it appeared to irritate
him. I was somewhat taken aback. After all, weren't they my feelings; didn’t they belonged to me? We sat across from each other in that booth,
him looking at me intently with a small crooked smile playing on his lips. The bar was bustling around us with its
normal hum, but I felt like time was standing still. He told me I wasn't saying it back, as if I
didn't know. I said I wasn't there yet
and that I moved a little slower than he did.
Seth got quiet for a while then returned to his normal happy self, which
came as a relief to me
Normally intimate
questions come once the relationship has progresses from initial attraction to
an intimate, comfortable state. So when
Seth began to blurt out questions like, “do you masturbate?” before we were at
what I felt was that intimate, comfortable state, I was taken aback. It's
typically a slow disclosure, not a race to the finish line. He had no issues in sharing highly personal
information. Seth delighted in telling
me that he always masturbated before a date and if it ended in sex, he could
hold back. I couldn’t un-hear that.
I often sat
squirming in my seat in discomfort feeling as though it was an interrogation
not a date. As if sensing my
apprehension, the smile would return and he would put me at ease again. I had told him about a one night stand I had
at one time. Of course this is when I
was single and not seeing Seth. I felt it
would carry no weight or have no impact on him.
We were sharing everything, right?
We were a
couple! I still hadn’t told Seth I loved
him and he never brought it up again. We were going places and doing
things. If we happened to go to the bar
where we had initially met, Seth would let them know it was some type of
anniversary whether it was three weeks, one month or two. We would celebrate by having the same drinks
we had the night we first met. He had
swept me off my feet. The pace was quick
and I was hardly catching my breath before being whisked off on the next
adventure. We went wine tasting and
dancing. There were dinners out and
dinners in. We went out and listened to live
music and attended outdoor concerts. I
had invited his family over for lasagna and it went well. We had intimate
encounters and they were a blast! I had
met my match.
If my phone rang or
I received a text, Seth would sometimes look to see who it was. My one night stand still occasionally sent me
messages, and although I didn’t respond to them, it bothered Seth. At times it
would be hurled in my face, catching me off guard. He told me he wasn’t like
Sean, who I had never seen again. He
insisted that he wasn’t using me like “he” had.
Those words hurt and I told Seth exactly that. It had obviously never occurred to Seth that
maybe it was me who had used the flat bellied and good looking man before
him. It wasn't a need to know, and I
didn’t want to argue so I let it drop and so did Seth, for a while.
Seth started making comments about the phone
numbers in my contact list. He made
derogatory remarks, which made me feel guilty for having them there. I assumed he was feeling insecure and when he
insisted I delete them, I did. Gone were
the men I had met on a dating site, without any hesitation on my part. It wasn’t a big deal to me, after all I was
caught up in Seth. If he happened to
scroll through the list again and see a man’s name he would ask who it was; it
didn’t take long for most of the male numbers to get scrubbed.
We had gone out for
the evening and come home to a romp in the hay.
I had started my period without realizing it and Seth upon seeing signs
of blood, jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom. I laughed as I watched
him frantically pour alcohol and peroxide on the areas where it had gotten on
his skin. I made sure he used condoms,
but he was acting neurotic. I remember
thinking, “If this were only on video.”
I was giggling with the thought.
Seth would later laugh with me after explaining that it was incredibly
difficult for a man to get AIDS and much easier for a woman. I thought he might be misinformed but I
didn’t interrupt his AIDS lecture. The accidental blood splatter happened more than once. He had used all the peroxide and alcohol and on one occasion resorted to mouthwash which had me rolling on the floor with laughter.
We would lay in bed
and talk for hours. We never lacked for
words and seemed to have open lines of communication, which was nice. One night as we were stretched out in bed, he
started talking about an ex. Seth was
lightly rubbing my leg, relaxing me even more. He said she liked being choked
during sex and although I had heard of erotic asphyxiation, I'd never had the
desire to experience it firsthand. I
felt myself becoming uncomfortable with the topic. He soon changed the subject. I closed my eyes and imagined his hands
wrapped around another woman’s neck in a moment of passion. It did nothing but create fear in me. I didn’t care for the visual. I continued to speculate as to what he had
done in a previous life…
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