For anyone who has lived in the shadow of a sociopath…

Life after he/she is gone is a plethora of emotions.  Relief was my first feeling when I walked into my home, which had only recently been vacated by him.  I felt exuberance as my second feeling.  Anger would come to me later when I realized he'd stolen some of my things.

I put him out of my mind, with the exception of the healing process. I had been with my sociopath for seven long years.  I didn't know at the time this would become his label, sociopath.  My own personal in house Hitler had inflicted an immense amount of damage.  I wasn’t an informed participant which made it much more harrowing.  He captured my mind under the pretense of love.

My new life without him was truly a blessing.  I thought, “This is going to be easy!”  I believed he would leave me alone, as any normal person would.  He hadn’t in the past, but I thought this breakup would be different. I attempted to cut off all contact, and I still trusted that a minute part of him was a rational person.  I was wrong.

He insisted on contacting me and had a myriad of excuses for doing so.  They were his attempts at manipulation.  There were messages of longing, loving, missing me and of course, flattery.  I recognized his endeavors to suck me back into his sick and twisted world.  I refused to fall for his games.  I also knew he never loved me and had used me as only someone like him can.  He is incapable of love.  Each time he sent a message, it set me back.  I was traumatized all over again.  This was deliberate.  They know what they're doing! When I quit responding, he contacted family members.  He started passing messages through them.  He shared information he wanted them to pass along to me.  They had no idea he was forming his triangle which is what people such as him do.  He was still manipulating everyone around him, although they couldn't see it.  His declarations of innocence were propaganda and spoon fed to anyone who would listen.

On a personal note, I attempted to explain to family members what he was doing.  My pleas for understanding went unheeded by only a couple.  After all, they had never lived with the sociopath and had only witnessed what he chose to reveal to them.  Maybe they had no idea how painful it was for me while they remained in contact with him.  I expected unabashed loyalty, because that’s how I am.  That’s one of my qualities that allowed him to take a stronghold in my life.  If I care about you, I will die defending you.  The other quality is assuming everyone is a reasonable person, he’s not.

While you're still participating in the triangulation, it’s hurtful to the survivor.  Exes stalk through children and various other sources.  It’s never okay, and if you allow him in, he gets a win.  That's the only time he has a real feeling, and it's his thrill!  The messages you have just relayed, have most likely already been addressed by me.  How can he appear to be a victim, unless he can vilify the survivor?  If you weren't contributing to his mind games, I could move forward and heal at a quicker pace. 

I don't know if people understand that by acknowledging the sociopath or abuser, they invalidate the feelings of those who are in his shadow, and it's considered a betrayal.  Each occurrence is a physical blow which takes me back to a time when he was controlling my life completely. So, if you find yourself cut out of my life or another person’s, it’s because we have to save ourselves.  Our minds have been their playground for some time.  It’s not personal, it’s our attempt to hold onto the thinly strung fragments of our sanity.