Blowing in the Wind

 

Fortunately life moves forward, and each day brings new moments and new memories.  I try not to look back, but with each message he sends I cringe, even before it's open.  The memories that assault me from the past aren't good ones.  Most times I have nothing to say in response.  My one response, the only response to him was to say, "The nicest thing you ever did for me was leave."  I believe that with all my heart.  His messages vary from moment to moment, swaying from anger to love, like willow branches on a windy day.

  I've decided I no longer need a brain where he's concerned.  With each message he attempts to define me as if there is no separation between us. We are states apart, however, someone needs to tell him I'm not his property, or an extension of him.  I don't complete him, and he most certainly never completed me.  He terrorized me emotionally.

 His words,  "I miss your smile" doesn't bring one to my lips, nor does, "Love always" have any meaning to me when he sends it.  He never loved me and telling myself that, has no impact on me.  That realization came many months ago, like a slap across my face.  I'm over it now and know it had nothing to do with me.  I know him well, yet, I don't know him at all.  Such a contradiction he is.

  When he said, "Love and miss us" it made me physically sick.  What's to miss?  I can think of nothing.  Yes, I did love him at one time, but he took that love, abused it, and destroyed it with his cruel words.  It meant nothing to him.  I was nothing to him.

  The all caps are his attempt to yell at me I suppose.  I don't hear them any longer.  He's an anomaly.  I find myself wondering what his new woman would think of his attempts to stir memories of us.  I have nothing left to say to him.  Apathetic is the new me with regard to him.  I feel only pity for the both of them.  Her, because she has no idea that she will no longer be free to be simply herself.  Soon she will be playing the circle game, and like me she won't understand what's taking place.  She will lose pieces of herself a little at a time.

  The words, " I honestly hope and wish you to be happy, find peace and someone to treat you like you need"  left me baffled.  I had so much to say in response to those words.  Such as:  Gosh you made it so simple for any man to one up you.  Treat me like I need?  Oh, you mean with respect and love don't you?  I doubt you want me to be happy.  I believe you want me pining away for a loss that isn't.  I didn't say any of these things.  I pity him and his inability to feel.  I'm glad that I am out of his crazy loop and haven't missed him for a moment. 

  I had to forgive him for myself and no one else.  My life goes on.  I'm happy and I'm free of his oppression and sadistic ways.  Sadly he never will be...