The Power Game

  Another of his exes calls this the power game and appropriately so.  I received my much needed validation through her over three years ago and it continues today.  What's a girl to do?  We have to take care of ourselves and my mind had taken a beating over the course of many years.  I reached out and was met by an Angel.


  She says she is the bitch, circa 2002-2004 and then asks, “Is that right?”  She has a good sense of humor and we have had many good laughs at Seth's expense.  There is pain in that humor but it helps to know I’m not crazy and neither is she.  I know I’m not crazy, because Alina told me so! 
Seth she said, is full of twisted hate.  “Run like the wind!” She told me, “His cruelty is startling!”


  We have exchanged phone calls, emails and text messages.  With the hint of southern accent in her soft voice she relays stories of their past and encourages me in her new found happiness.  Her quick wit knows no bounds and with this comes healing.

  Alina asks me, "Has he ever played the power game with you?"  I am quick to ask, "Which one?" Then I whisper, "Yes."  I know exactly what she's talking about.  We are kindred spirits, friends and have both survived his psychological torture. 


  The power game is a mentally and physically agonizing sexual game.  The sense of frustration and pain left me feeling totally inadequate and like Alina, I was ill equipped to deal.  I didn't know the rules and didn't understand the game.


  Seth enjoyed asking for the same things any normal man would.  The problem was, Seth didn't react in the manner of a normal red blooded male.  His body did but his mind was another matter entirely. 


  He had asked Alina to dress up sexy and to wear heels for him.  She thought it would be fun and felt provocative and sexy as she donned her spikes that included an inviting, revealing costume.  With a seductive sway she approached Seth.  He started laughing and a cruel smile appeared.  He brutally criticized her shoes, made fun of her overall and took pleasure in the obvious pain on her face.  There would be no seduction that night only pain and humiliation.


  This is very emotionally damaging.  We make ourselves vulnerable because we trust.  We trust because we love.  Our psyche doesn't understand the conflicting responses our partner is conveying. This leaves us both confused and hurt struggling to make sense out of something that defies all logic.


  One morning as I was getting ready to leave for class Seth called me over to the bed.  He was naked and inviting and started tempting me back under the covers. Tensions rose, I was once again naked in bed with Seth and enjoying every minute of it.  We were in the middle of a very heated moment when Seth stopped, pulled away and started laughing. 


  I am a healthy, sexual woman and when he told me I was going to be late, I said I didn't care, "What's a few minutes?"  His body was telling me the same thing.  He started pushing me away.  Seth said, "Tonight we'll finish what we started."  I wanted to slap the joy he took in my frustration off of his face. This was the first instance for me of his, "power games".


Tonight never happened.  This would begin a part of his sadistic physical and mental sexual torture.
  He thrived on creating confusion and discord.  Although Alina didn't launch the candlestick during one of these sexually demeaning and frustrating interludes, she could have with complete understanding.