It's entirely possible that I have some unresolved childhood issues, however, I'm not going to dwell there. I have sisters that are immune to this behavioral problem and they have very good men in their lives. So I find myself asking, "Why me?"
I hold the belief that he honed in on me because he could see that trust and fierce loyalty factor and viewed them as a vulnerability instead of an asset. If I had neither of these he would never have latched on. In the typical parasitical fashion he attached himself to me. The chameleon that he was also pretended to share my interests and care about my life. In reality, he didn't enjoy what I was interested in and he only stayed in his pseudo state for as long as necessary and in order to ingratiate himself into my life.
I can't say that I am a person who tried harder in this relationship, but I was the one who tried not to make any waves. I also gave him too many chances for change. I don't believe he tried at all and his efforts were primarily manipulative. The entire time I saw what he was doing as wrong and told him that. I didn't accept what he told me but after hearing it for so many years, I know it had taken hold of me. He is a love bomber incapable of feeling the true meaning of the word.
I heard him telling me that he loved me and I chose to believe it. The facts as I see them currently are that he is incapable of love and it was a faux love of sorts. He did and does whatever blows up his world in his ego driven eyes. He believed that controlling me made him a hero to his harem and fictitious fan club. I also think that he thought I would leave him if he allowed himself to show or feel love.
It's now his problem and no longer mine. Despite his best lessons I still have faith in people and believe that most are good. He is a terrorists who devotes his life to destroying the emotional well being of others.
Drink more wine and write.
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