Eyes With No Soul

 People asked, "What's up with his lifeless eyes?"  I couldn't answer the question. I only felt the pain in his "light", which occurred when he was being cruel.  Then his eyes were on fire, as if his soul had come alive.

  Alina calls it his "shark eyes".  It's a look that's difficult to describe.  His eyes became slits and his grin reached them - it was never a good thing when this happened.  People seeing his photos would often tell me there is something not quite right in those eyes, or ask me what's wrong with him.  When I run across random pictures of "him", I can see it now.  Why couldn't I see it then?  I believe it's because I chose not to.  I let him fool me into believing he was capable of love.  They are vacant, as if no one is home.  I peer at photos with a completely different perspective now.  While the corners of his lips may be upturned, the smile never reaches his eyes.


  There were many times I experienced his "shark eyes".  While he was telling me how much he was putting in his savings while I paid the majority of household bills; they lit up.  While he was tormenting me, they came alive.  My misfortunes were the highlights of his day.  Occasionally, he seemed normal, almost as if he were a real person.  Trickery was once again at work.


  They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, but what if there is no soul?  I don't mean that literally.  He proclaimed his Christianity the entire time he was cheating, undermining, abusing, and lying to me.  Maybe he meant well, but in his #narcissism he couldn't help but think only of himself. He didn't mean to do it!


  A relative recently relayed a story to me...  He is on a social site like many of us are.  She said if she saw one more shirtless selfie, she was going to throw up.  He posts them as if they are his lifeline.   Narcissist/abusers have to be the focus.  If at any point they aren't, it's often at their partners expense that they once again become the focus.  They want to be seen as the most amazing, the best and their ego has to be fed at anyone's expense.  With their superficial charm and false charisma, they fool us all up to a point.


  They are always looking for what they believe is a step up.  My narcissist said, "The next one will be an ugly one."  He continued with, "That way she won't leave me."  How pitiful that someone would think in those terms.  Always look to the eyes, they don't lie.